Ending things can be so hard. Doesn’t matter if it’s a job, a business, a partnership, or a personal relationship, it’s often quite complicated. Not only are there usually practical matters to be wrapped up and dealt with; there are also emotions. Sadness, grief, sometimes anger, and maybe even relief.
Dealing with the endings is challenging enough (see last week’s post about how to end well), but sometimes we can get stuck there. How can we let go when something ends, and move forward?
When things end, or there is a crisis, our instinct is to “fix it” – make decisions about what to do and just get going doing those things.
This is a mistake!
Because we need to first take a pause, reflect, and deconstruct the experience. If we avoid this – because, yes, it is uncomfortable – we miss the opportunity to grow. Not only that, but we are also likely avoiding processing through our emotions, which can cause us to get stuck and not be able to move on successfully.
Deconstruction literally means to take apart something that was constructed. According to Oxford, it involves “expos[ing] its hidden internal assumptions and contradictions and subvert its apparent significance or unity.” That’s huge!
When something ends, ask yourself:
- What assumptions did I make that caused me to act in a certain way?
- What were the contradictions in this experience, and what of those were really true?
- What did I think was important then, that, in the light of day, really isn’t?
- What do I or can I “own” in terms of what happened?
- What are the gifts I am taking away from this experience?
- What are the lessons?
- What can I establish in terms of boundaries, goals and intentions going forward?
Sit With It
Deconstruction takes time and is uncomfortable and takes time and intention. If it’s painful, we may want to avoid doing it. I encourage you to sit with it, allow the feelings, and know that there is release and potential transformation waiting on the other side.
The best way to walk yourself through deconstruction is to journal.
Set aside time in the early morning. Put yourself in a comfortable chair, near a window, sip your tea or coffee, and write. Use those questions as a framework for your deconstruction. I promise you; this will be a powerful and transformative process.
I just so happen to have a journal you can use! It contains journaling prompts to help guide you along. It’s only $15 CAD plus shipping, so I welcome you to connect with me via www.onpointwithdanielle.ca/danielle-contact to order yours.
Don’t be in a rush to let go and move on. Letting go can be healthy or it can be “stuffing”. If you desire growth and better things, avoid the “rinse and repeat” cycle by being willing to take the time for deconstruction before moving forward. It’s worth it. You’re worth it.
And, as always, Stay on Point!